just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize