i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
