Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
