i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
