I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
