i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
