my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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