I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Randomize
