Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
