Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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