I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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