no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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