Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
