I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
