I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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