I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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