I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize