And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize