He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
