I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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