They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
