I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
