i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
