I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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