if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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