I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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