so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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