i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
