So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
