Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize