oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
