I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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