Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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