I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
