That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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