I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
