if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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