I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
