i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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