So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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