Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm too high and old for this...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
