according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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