Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize
