you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
