Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
