he puts the penis in happiness.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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