shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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