I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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