Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
