is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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