My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
