Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
