i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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