respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
