I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.