i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
