i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
