When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though