Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.