I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."