Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are the jesus of drinking