But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
