May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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