like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
