I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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