Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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