she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
