ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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