I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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