PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
