I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's shark week go big or go home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
