I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
