how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
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He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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