I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
