Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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