i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
