Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
