I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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