It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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