so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize