wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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