ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
