and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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