How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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