And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
