i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
